Aren’t we all wondering what President Trump’s big tax reform announcement will be tomorrow? Loyola Los Angeles Tax LL.M. student Anosh Ali ventured a tongue-in-cheek guess in a short memo he wrote in Katie Pratt’s Tax Policy class. We’ll see tomorrow how good a prognosticator Anosh is.
Until then, at least we know that his Presidential ‘voice’ is spot on
TO: President Trump
FROM: Anosh Ali, White House Communications Specialist
RE: Your tax reform press conference on Wednesday
DATE: April 25, 2017
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You have asked me to prepare talking points for your tax reform press conference tomorrow. This memo includes general talking points and responses to hostile questions you are likely to get from the liberal media.
GENERAL TALKING POINTS
My plan is going to give you the biggest tax cuts in U.S. history. So here’s my plan. It’s TREMENDOUS.
I’m going to cut taxes for EVERYONE and I’m going to make the tax law simple. It’s simple people, we don’t want you to have to pay more than the government needs. Instead of seven tax brackets, we’ll have three — 12, 25, and 33 percent. Everyone will pay less. And we’ll have a huge increase in the standard deduction so you don’t have to worry about all those deductions unless you’re rich.
My beautiful daughter Ivanka has a great idea to let parents deduct their child care expenses. We want people to work, we want people to take care of their kids and this how we’re doing it.
We’re going to cap itemized deductions. We’ve all heard about the loopholes that people find to avoid taxes. Well we’re filling them. Everyone will pay their fair share.
I’ll cut taxes on capital gains and dividends to keep investment in the U.S. If our taxes are too high, people will take their money somewhere else. We don’t want our capital running off to China or Mexico. I don’t need to tell you how mobile capital is these days, sitting in bank accounts in South America.
And the most GIGANTIC tax cut of all — I’ll cut the business tax rate from 35% to 15%. This is HUGE. I’ll bring jobs back to America. It’ll be cheaper for you to run your businesses here and the economy WILL grow; I GUARANTEE it. I’ll grow our economy. We already fell behind and I’m fixing this now.
Do you know how much money is parked overseas? TRILLIONS! With our high corporate tax rates, no company will stay here. We’ll keep losing money to other countries, we’ll keep losing jobs. So I’m cutting business taxes to make America GREAT again.
I’m going to bring home all that money parked overseas. All the money that Microsoft and Goggle have parked overseas, we’re bringing it back. They’ll pay tax on it, just like you and me, and that money will be here (pointing to the ground) in the U.S. That money belongs here and we’re bringing it back. And that money will grow the economy.
My plan is SIMPLE. I’ll cut taxes and I’ll grow the economy. I’ve seen the other tax plans out there. Those plans want to turn us into Europe and add new taxes – BATs, VATs (waving hands as if to shoo away flies). WAY TOO COMPLICATED! We have taxes, we don’t need new ones; I won’t add new ones.
My plan is simple. It’s easy. It’s SO easy to understand that you won’t have to worry about taxes any more. It’ll be FANTASTIC! You’ll have less to worry about — including the IRS. Believe me, I know what a ROYAL PAIN they are.
TALKING POINTS TO RESPOND TO HOSTILE MEDIA QUESTIONS
- MEDIA QUESTION: WHAT HAPPENED TO REVENUE NEUTRALITY? WON’T YOUR TAX REFORM PLAN INCREASE FEDERAL BUDGET DEFICITS?
The liberal nutjobs say my plan will increase deficits. This is FALSE, it’s just false. These people don’t see all the money coming back from overseas. They don’t see the growth this creates. It’s simple math. The bigger the economy the more money people earn. The more money people earn the greater our country is. Everyone is happy.
We don’t need to make cuts. We aren’t going to lose any money. The economy will grow like NEVER BEFORE. I’m bringing back money from overseas. I’ll make companies bring that money home. I’m taxing that money. There will be no reason for companies to keep their money overseas. They’ll spend it here. The economy will grow.
- MEDIA QUESTION: ISN’T YOUR PLAN JUST A TAX BREAK FOR THE RICH?
Absolutely not. Not at all. That’s FAKE NEWS.
Here’s the truth. I’ll be tweeting about this. My plan is a tax cut for EVERYONE. Everyone will pay their share, but we’ll ALL PAY LESS. That’s money we all save; it’s coming back into the economy. That money is creating jobs, it’s creating growth.
TRUST ME. It’ll be TREMENDOUS – THE MOST TREMENDOUS ACCOMPLISHMENT IN MY FIRST 100 DAYS IN OFFICE. IT’S ONE FOR THE HISTORY BOOKS. WE’RE MAKING HISTORY HERE IN THE WHITE HOUSE!
The Surly Subgroup 